Middle Aged Prom Dress #3

Lael Littke's Prom Dress: Chapter Three

Hi, friends,

Welcome back to my deep dive into YA horror of the ‘80s and ‘90s!

As I said the first time around, when I was a kid, I jumped pretty much straight from middle grade to adult fiction, so I missed a lot of REALLY fun stuff. I know that lots of you probably have amazing memories of reading these, but reading them for the first time as a 40-something is pretty amazing as well??

If you’d like to start from the beginning of my Prom Dress coverage, the first and second installments are here and here.

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Front cover of Scholastic Point edition of Lael Littke’s Prom Dress

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Rowena insane? Robin could hardly believe what Miss Catherine had said. Rowena, the girl who had made the wondrous dress, which Robin carried so carefully in the garment bag? Robin almost ran from Miss Catherine's secretive house.

—Prom Dress, by Lael Littke

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Scene One: Robin's mom brings home a secondhand prom dress... AND some gossip

I do love the DRAMATIC ITALICS:

Rowena had been insane — criminally insane. But a person couldn't pass her genes on to a dress.

Robin wondered what terrible thing Rowena had done to be judged criminally insane.

We get a whole long thing about her guilty conscience via a story about a green lollipop that she stole when she was little and was forced by her mother to go back to the store and CONFESS and APOLOGIZE. But apparently EITHER she didn’t learn much from that supposedly formative and traumatic moment, OR it’s a very different situation because, you know, she REALLY WANTS to wear that dress.

She moons at herself in the mirror:

She wasn't sure what she had expected to see. Maybe the great inflated balloon of her conscience floating above her head with a blazing neon arrow pointing down at her?

Yeah, I don't think this is how any of this works:

But after all she hadn't stolen the dress. She'd just borrowed it for a few days.

OH MY GOD THE HUMANITY I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS JACKASS IS INVOKING DICKENS:

It wasn’t going to be any fun wearing the dress if she was going to drag around a chain of guilt, like Marley’s Ghost. Maybe she could smuggle it back to Miss Catherine’s attic. But then what would she wear to the prom?

FINALLY, her mother comes home, to give Robin—and us—something to do other than wallow in her own guilt. And she has a surprise: she borrowed—ACTUALLY BORROWED, LIKE, WITH PERMISSION—a prom dress from her friend Gracie at the bank. (Note: The borrowed dress is the friend’s daughter’s dress, not the friend’s dress, although that could have been fun.)

Hilariously, Robin starts acting like a suspect on Poker Face and telling technical truths along the lines of “Miss Catherine has this gorgeous prom dress that’s been in her attic for years”:

Robin phrased her words carefully. She didn’t want to add any big outright lies to her list of crimes. Besides, she might decide to take it back and just wear the pink dress.

Naturally, she’s so bad at it that she only makes it—literally—one sentence before Natasha Lyonne would start twitching.

BUT THEN, THE CONVERSATION SHIFTS GEARS:

Mrs. Whitford fidgeted, flipping the pages of the book she’d been reading. “Gracie says that her grandmother told her it was Rowena who caused that ugly scar on Miss Catherine’s face. She threw acid at her.”

WHATTTTTT!!!!?!!?!?!

My actual favorite part about this is that in the lead-in to the reveal, Robin’s mother only vaguely remembers the story as told to her by Gracie, as if that is a story that wouldn’t immediately sear itself into your memory, ESPECIALLY if you had a personal connection to the victim.

On Rowena’s motive:

Mrs. Whitford shrugged. “Gracie didn’t know. Catherine was pretty and popular, and Rowena wasn’t. She had a disfiguring birthmark. Gracie’s grandmother figured it might have been jealousy.”

Robin’s mother’s ability to just handwave away tragedy after tragedy speaks a bit to Robin’s “oh, but the dress wasn’t damaged in the accident” attitude:

“I shouldn’t have told you,” her mother said. “Forget it. Rowena is dead now. Gracie told me that her grandmother said she died in a fire many years ago.”

Ah, yes, because third-hand information is always SO accurate.

GO TO THE LIBRARY, ROBIN! LET’S HAVE A MICROFICHE MONTAGE!!

I kid, obviously. Robin wouldn’t recognize a microfiche machine if it bit her. And I suspect that combing newspaper archives is way more Gabby’s style than Robin’s.

So Robin heads upstairs to try on Gracie’s daughter’s dress, and we are subjected to EVEN MORE MOANING ABOUT HOW GUILTY SHE FEELS. I’m sure that it’s largely there so that when whatever happens to Robin finally HAPPENS, it’ll all come off as tragical rather than as a lesson about stealing prom dresses from old ladies, but hoo boy, characters that interminably moan about how upset they are about things that are ABSOLUTELY WITHIN THEIR POWER TO CHANGE drive me UP. THE. WALL. (I’m looking at you, Jack from Lost.)

Luckily for the plot, the pink dress is a bust:

But the pink dress didn’t look right on her. It was too long and hung like an oversize sack, totally shapeless. She couldn’t even imagine wearing it with Tyler.

And then she tries on the stolen dress:

It whispered sweetly as it slid down her body, and it molded itself to her even before she did up the little satin-covered buttons that marched down its front. She could see even better now the way it brought out the creaminess of her skin, and matched the soft color of her hair. She looked radiant in the mirror, and just having the dress on made her feel confident and sure of her own charms. In this dress, she would truly be a suitable date for Tyler.

“Suitable date,” bahhhh.

The scene ends with this:

Robin tossed her head provocatively and smiled at herself in the mirror. She ran her hands down the dress, but as she gazed at herself in the mirror tears formed in her eyes.

So emo, I swear. That said, all this nonsense makes me wish someone would make a really pulpy Netflix movie of this starring the cast from Riverdale. The fact that they’re all, like, 35 years old would make it even better.

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The next week it seemed as if everything was going right for her. Miss Catherine left on Monday afternoon. That evening Robin showed the prom dress to her mother and Gabrielle. Robin let them think Miss Catherine had given it to her just before she left.

—Prom Dress, by Lael Littke

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Scene Two: Things are looking up for our girl (and you know what that means)

When Robin models the dress for her family, Gabby gets all wistful about it AND about Tyler, but doubts her future self’s ability to catch and catch like him (Gabby, my girl, you can do better):

“Sure you will, Gabby,” Robin assured her. But she doubted it. There wasn’t anybody else like Tyler in the whole world, any more than there was another dress like this one.

One cursed dress is enough, thank you. Ditto one Tyler.

(omg i will DIE if somehow it all fast-forwards two years and gabby goes to prom with tyler)

Robin muses:

Gabby’s prom what two years away. By then she’d have forgotten about the dress.

Uh, the vintage fashion maven will have forgotten about this dress? Not likely. FEELS LIKE FORESHADOWING TO ME!

Later, after dance class, Robin’s instructor has news for her:

“They’re going to offer you the scholarship,” she said. “Marge says it’s been a long time since she’s seen a girl with so much talent.

Oh, buddy. This does not bode well for your legs.

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It got even better. Tyler asked about what color her dress was, saying he had to know right then. She guessed that he was going to order flowers to match. It made the coming night even more romantic.

—Prom Dress, by Lael Littke

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Scene Three: PROM NIGHT

On the night of the prom, Tyler gets there early, “as if he couldn’t wait to be with her” and hangs out downstairs with Gabby while he waits. Which, like, DOES TYLER HAVE A NICE TWIN BROTHER? I’d have expected him to honk his horn when he got to the corner and expect Robin to throw herself into his dumb Trans Am while it was still moving.

[Related: This might be a deep cut, but remember the scene in Waitress where Jeremy Sisto picks Keri Russell up from work and does EXACTLY that? I haven’t seen that movie since shortly after it came out, and I STILL want to kick that character in the shins.]

I mean, WHAT. IS. HAPPENING:

From downstairs Robin could hear the piano. Gabby and Tyler were playing duets. One of the reasons Gabby liked Tyler so much was that he’d sit there and play the bass part from the book of duets she had. He didn’t play as well as Gabby, but he was very good.

So what was all that nonsense about Gabby not having friends because she spends so much time playing the piano?? Tyler clearly has taken some lessons, so you’d think that Robin would have IMMEDIATELY APPLIED TO JULLIARD

Classic prom night staging:

Tyler came from the living room and stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting. Now she knew why he’d asked to know the color of her dress. He’d rented a cream-colored tux to match. He stood here smiling up at her, his wheat-colored hair touched by a shaft of light that came from a lamp in the hall.

I just… barf.

Oh my god, even barfier:

Gabby played something slow and majestic on the piano. It was like a scene from a romantic movie.

Ten bucks it was Pachelbel.

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HOW LONG IS THIS FLIGHT OF STAIRS:

Robin took one step down, and then another. She wished this moment could stretch out for years.

YOU MEAN IT HASN’T BEEN YEARS? It feels like it’s been years.

Excuse me while I throw myself down a well while barfing:

“Gosh, Robin,” Tyler said as she came to the bottom of the stairs. “I didn’t know I was taking Cinderella out tonight.”

She laughed softly. “Who else would be good enough to go out with Prince Charming?”

WHAT is with this heel-turn of Tyler’s, turning into an aw-shucks-boy-howdy-yer-so-purty type?

During the endless—it’s amazing how half a page can feel like an eternity—corsage presentation:

Gabby was watching, her eyes a little glazed.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, GABBY.

(Robin chalks the glazed look up to Gabby having a crush on Tyler, but I’m really starting to think that maybe The Dress is putting the whammy on her???)

OH MY GOD THE LIMO IS ALSO CREAM-COLORED

Good times in the limo:

The car was so big that Tyler said they could have had a game of Frisbee while they traveled. Instead, they sipped sparkling white grape juice, which looked almost like champagne, out of long-stemmed glasses and pushed the buttons that turned on a small TV and compact disc player.

For some reason, the image of them “push[ing] the buttons” on the TV is just killing me. It’s very 2001: A Space Odyssey. Also, WE COULD MAKE OUT, BUT FIGURING OUT IF MAYBE CAR TVs WORK DIFFERENTLY THAN HOUSE TVs IS WAY MORE APPEALING??

They stop over at Tyler’s house to show off, and Tyler’s father suggests that Tyler should stay home so HE could take “this lovely lady” to the prom. Which, I have now barfed myself inside-out.

I’m also starting to wonder if Robin is actually the reincarnation of a Victorian chimney sweep:

Then there was dinner at the Hotel Royale. Something French, with delicate sauces and tiny vegetables.

TINY VEGETABLES

OMG THE CLASS OMG THE SOPHISTICATION APPARENTLY ROBIN’S MOM JUST HUCKS A WHOLE PUMPKIN ON THE DINNER TABLE FOR SUPPER BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT POORS EAT: GIANT VEGETABLES

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Speaking of rich people eating tiny vegetables, if you haven’t seen Love & Friendship, it’s WONDERFUL

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Even their arrival at the prom, which was at another hotel, was something special. Freddy Finch, the class clown, was out in front interviewing the kids as they arrived, as if it were a Hollywood premiere. He made a big fuss over Robin, saying into his microphone, which was connected to a loudspeaker, that Miss Robin Whitford, dancing queen of the silver screen, had just arrived with everyone’s heartthrob, Mr. Tyler Atkins. The kids around them cheered, and people passing by stopped to look.

—Prom Dress, by Lael Littke

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Scene Four: FINALLY, THE ACTUAL PROM

Blah blah blah, slow dancing is so dreamy, etc., etc.

Oh ho ho, we’re inching closer to SOMETHING happening:

During one of the slow tunes, Robin wondered if Miss Catherine could possibly have been as happy with her Michael at her prom as Robin was with Tyler. But that only brought thoughts of Rowena, waiting at home, plotting to destroy Miss Catherine’s beauty. Rowena, who was criminally insane.

Such restraint in not using SCARY ITALICS on the phrase criminally insane.

Uh oh:

Halfway through the evening the Prom King and Queen where chosen by secret ballot. An actual Stairway to the Stars had been constructed, leading to a platform that held two thrones, where they would sit during the intermission program.

Robin wasn’t even surprised when she and Tyler were named king and queen. How could it be any other way on this perfect night?

Robin clearly hasn’t seen Carrie (awesome), Prom Night (fine), or Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (THE BEST).

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Minor related digression

Did your high school have a Prom King and Queen? Mine didn’t, because even though it was a public high school, it was basically founded by hippies and that sort of Kids Voting on Comparative Popularity Levels thing wouldn’t have been particularly on brand. My guess is that it varies quite a bit depending on the culture of the high school?

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HERE WE GO:

Hand in hand they climbed the Stairway to the Stars, and almost at the top Tyler paused to kiss her, right there in front of everyone. Robin leaned back against the guard rail that had been built along the stairway. It shook a little, too flimsy to hold her weight. It made her uneasy, and she moved forward quickly, bumping against Tyler. But there must have been a nail sticking out of the rail, because some of the lace on the dress caught and pulled her back again.

AND THEN THE WHOLE STAIRWAY TO THE STARS JUST… COLLAPSES?

Tyler threw his arms around her as they plunged downward. Above the dry sound of splintering lumber, Robin could hear the frantic rustling of her dress as she fell down, down, down. She heard someone, or something screaming. Was it her voice? Or was it the dress? The dress! What if the dress was ruined? How could she explain it to Miss Catherine?

So is this going to turn into a legal drama about the district getting sued and multiple people getting fired? WHERE IS OSHA??

All that business about her legs was THERE FOR A REASON:

The impact of hitting the floor left Robin dazed. Then the heavy chair which was to have been her throne landed on her legs.

There was a moment of terrible pain, then certainly her own voice screaming.

Then darkness.

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GOSH. That was… a lot.

More next week,
Leila