Middle Aged Slumber Party #3
Christopher Pike's Slumber Party: Chapter One, Part Three
Hello, friends.
Welcome to the third installment of my deep dive into Christopher Pike’s Slumber Party. Third installment, and we’re still in chapter one. Not sure if we should chalk that up to Christopher Pike’s verbosity, or to mine?
Want to start from the beginning? Part One. Part Two.
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“I’m hungry,” Dana growled.
“You’re always hungry,” Lara said.
“I wish anorexia was contagious and I knew someone who could infect me.”
—Slumber Party, Chapter One
Scene Five: Boys at the Ski Lodge
Lara and Dana are in the lounge at the ski lodge, waiting for Rachael and Mindy to get their skis fitted while they have the above exchange, which is really… something.
Rachael and Mindy show up, sans skis, and inform Lara and Dana that they’re not going skiing just yet, because they’re “meeting some friends.” When Dana protests, Rachael gives us a little insight into Dana’s self-consciousness about her weight:
“But you’re hungry, Dana,” Rachael said with profound concern. “You need your nourishment or you’ll starve that cute double chin of yours.”
So, Lara and Dana hit the coffee shop.
Dana orders—SHOCK HORROR—a WHOLE SANDWICH and dessert.
Lara, meanwhile:
Lara had a bowl of vegetable soup. She was dieting. She was always dieting.
And then they talk about how many calories skiing burns, but I’ll spare you. I feel like someone needs to go back in time and talk to Christopher Pike about how he’s unintentionally reinforcing some REALLY UNHEALTHY ATTITUDES ABOUT FOOD AND EATING OMG.
Lara heads over to the fruit bowl—the soup didn’t fill her up, but NO CAKE FOR HER—and starts squeezing oranges, because that’s always a cool thing to do when you’re faced with a communal fruit bowl.
While she’s squeezing away, a “soft male voice” behind her says:
“Are you looking for a hard one, or a soft one?”
Which, like… insert side eye emoji here.
Introducing Our Love Interest, through the eyes of Lara, who is apparently a walking 23andMe test:
He was a few years older, and half a foot taller, than herself. His olive skin wasn’t from overexposure to the mountain sun. He was either of Greek or Slavic descent, yet he had light green eyes, which contrasted sharply with a shock of unmanaged black hair. He was vaguely frightening, definitely handsome.
“The reason I ask,” he continued, “is because I often see people squeezing oranges and I never know what they’re looking for.”
If this was a come-on, it was rather clever.
IS IT, THOUGH????
Lara gives a classic Goldilocks answer, they chat about the weather, she tells him where they’re staying—not very street-smart, is our Lara—and he finally offers his name: Percy Chand.
His name.
Is.
PERCY.
At the moment, he’s living in San Francisco, but he moves around a lot. Percy is MYSTERIOUS. And he angles to find out how old Lara is—she slithers out of the question—so it seems likely that he’s a bit older.
Once he finds out that she’s “just” with other girls—so, A) lots of assumptions about everyone’s sexuality going on and B) wouldn’t want to bother talking to another human being unless there was the possibility of hooking up—he invites himself and his friend to sit at her table.
When they get back to the table:
Dana’s eyes sparkled when she saw him. She stretched her neck to flatten any undue bulges.
UNDUE. BULGES. I can’t. These girls are breaking my heart.
We find out that Percy:
is a good listener
seems more serious than frivolous (so is possibly Deep)
is Canadian
is an orphan and quit school in ninth grade
is a drifter
drives a truck for a furniture warehouse
has “a great ambition” (not specified)
is 22
I feel like that’s more detail than we’ve gotten about any of the girls, tbh.
Lara develops googly eyes for him pretty much instantly. Percy spots his friend Cal across the room—when the girls ask him what he’s like, he hesitates, which is pretty much always code for “he’s a bit of a dick but I don’t want to salt his game because Bros Gonna Bro”—and goes to get him. While he’s gone:
With Percy gone, Lara asked, “What do you think?”
“That you’re a lucky s.o.b. Hope his friend’s got a fraction of his charm.”
“How do you know it isn’t you he likes?”
“I noticed no obvious symptoms of brain damage.”
Oh, Dana. We need to work on your self-esteem, good lord.
Dana is bound and determined to invite these complete strangers to the slumber party, incoming blizzard and stranger danger and courtesy to her host, be damned.
Lara pushes back:
“What about Nell and Celeste? This is supposed to be a slumber party, not an orgy.”
“We won’t let them stay. We have the whole night to slumber.”
AGAIN: THERE IS AN INCOMING BLIZZARD.
Despite trying to Be Responsible, Lara is tempted:
Her hormones were being very persuasive.
On one hand, I appreciate that Christopher Pike is allowing his lead to have sexy thoughts without slut-shaming her… on the other, everything about this is a terrible idea and it seems clear that she’s aware of that. Then again, we all do asinine things as teenagers.
Cal was a huge redhead with a massive mouth, the antithesis of Percy. He straddled a chair and waved his tongue nonstop for fifteen minutes about what fantastic skiers the two of them were. Dana appeared to like him well enough. She probably didn’t notice him eyeing her breasts.
—Slumber Party, Chapter One
Oh, NO. Cal the Chair Straddler is IMMEDIATELY The Worst, but you know, Dana and her lack of self-esteem. “Waved his tongue nonstop” is flat-out wonderful. Nice work, Christopher Pike.
Cal has to go unload the van—the furniture van??? Are he and Percy here for work, or to ski? Both, I guess? Given the business/party vibes, I’m now picturing Cal with a mullet—and invites Dana to go with him.
Once they’re gone, Percy tells Lara that they’re just acquaintances. She asks how old he is:
“I’m not sure. He spent four years in the service so he’s got to be at least twenty-two. Told me once—I think he was joking—that he got a discharge for playing with naplam.”
…what.
I generally associate napalm with the Vietnam War, which makes me wonder, yet again, when the heck this book is set? Or if Cal is a secret time traveler or MUCH older than Percy thinks? All of which led me to rabbithole about napalm. And I guess I have to give Christopher Pike a pass, because I came across a NYT article from 1994 that opens with this line:
In this pastoral corner of Southern California, the Navy is preparing to dispose of a formidable relic of the Vietnam War: 23 million pounds of napalm.
Back to Lara and Percy:
“Is she safe with him?”
“He won’t do any permanent damage,” Percy muttered absently. He touched her arm. “I’m sorry, that was crude. She should be fine.”
Holy cow, Percy, there is so much wrong with your attitude and your inaction that I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know, you should maybe have a sit-down with Ben Affleck. (Whether to learn from his mistakes or commiserate about how it’s hard balancing the Bro Code with being a decent human being, I’m not sure.)
OH MY GOD, this is Lara’s response:
“Maybe I should be more worried for Cal.”
So, got it: Not a lot of looking out for each other in this friend group. Sigh.
Lara officially invites Percy to the house—and THEN calls to ask Nell if it’s okay, which feels backwards, but okay. Nell sounds like a miseryguts on the phone, but says it’s fine, and also passes along a message from Celeste:
Celeste says that it’s fine with her but not to bother finding her a boy.
When asked about her Boy Preference, Nell says that she’ll take “whatever’s available.” Which made me laugh out loud, so good job, Christopher Pike.
Next up: TURNS OUT RACHAEL ALREADY CALLED DIBS ON PERCY!!!
And that’s it for this round! More next Thursday.
In the meantime, subscribe so that you don’t miss installments, let me know about your memories of reading (and watching!) horror as a tween and teen. I’m also always here if you’ve got recommendations.
Talk soon,
Leila
I now feel my life is incomplete because I didn't spend my riotous teen years being chatting up by boys about whether I'm looking for hard or soft... fruit... If I'd read this at fifteen, I would've been on the floor needing oxygen. I hadn't realized you hadn't even made it past the first chapter!!!!! I'm dying!!!!