Middle Aged Slumber Party #5
Christopher Pike's Slumber Party: Chapter Two, Part One
Hello, friends.
Welcome to the fifth installment of my deep dive into Christopher Pike’s Slumber Party, in which we come, at long last, to Chapter Two.
Want to start from the beginning?
Chapter One: Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four.
Subscribe to follow along, re-read the book if you’re feeling it, and for SURE, please tell me all about your memories of reading this way back when.
This high point of Lara’s life was pretty low. The skiing was no different than running laps in PE. She slid down the mountain, rode back up the mountain, slid down again. She was more conscious of her aching legs than of the fun she was supposed to be having. The wind had begun to blow and her hands were freezing. It was all Rachael’s fault.
—Slumber Party, Chapter Two
Scene One: Moping on the slopes
Lara and Dana and Rachael and Mindy are all skiing, but VERY separately, each pair basically both pretending that the other doesn’t exist. They’re due to head back to the house soon, and Lara starts thinking about cancelling with Percy—I’m still dying about his name, why is it so funny to me?—in order to keep the peace, and cancelling would have the added bonus of keeping Cal away from Dana, who does NOT want to deal with him again.
But she’s smitten—and she has the quintessential ‘80s smitten daydream to prove it:
He would call her when she returned home, ask her out, pick her up in a Porsche, take her to an expensive restaurant and order lobster, then to the theater, kissing her passionately in his leather upholstered seats afterward, promising that he would see her the following day, and the day after that.
The only thing it’s missing is a car phone and I don’t know, rainbow legwarmers.
Anyway, she doesn’t want to give up on the possibility of that daydream coming true just to appease Rachael. (The fact that he’s hanging around with a sexual predator isn’t a factor, I guess.) Then she starts thinking about how if Percy hangs out with Rachael more, he’ll totally get mesmerized by her boobs—I’m paraphrasing—which is such an upsetting thought that she falls over.
Does Christoper Pike hate Dana?:
“That was a cute fall you took,” Dana said, waddling to her side, sporting wide sunglasses designed to hide her big nose.
Like, there are ways of describing fat bodies without a negative bias, but this is not it, buddy. Ditto facial features that don’t conform to some weird standard that supposedly doesn’t exist but we all know does because look at the homogeneity of folks who appear on television, especially television from this era. (Oh no, am I getting ranty? It feels Very Early On in the proceedings to be getting ranty.)
OMG, and Lara is supposed to be the nice one?? Like, she KNOWS that Dana is self-conscious about her weight, and she goes straight for it?:
“Serves you right for not waiting for me. Hell, I’ve fallen on my butt a dozen times already. You don’t see me crying.”
“Yeah, but you’ve got built-in shock absorbers.”
“Now Lara, that was low. Say you’re sorry and I will forgive you. If the two of us start fighting, then we’re really in trouble. Everyone else hates us.”
Luckily for her, Dana is infinitely pragmatic, I guess.
I JUST… WHY DO THESE PEOPLE SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER IF THEY’RE JUST GOING TO BE MEAN ALL THE TIME UGH
They start considering a truce with Rachael and Mindy, talk about all the stuff that Lara’s been mulling over, and Dana offers to use her run-in with Cal as an excuse to cancel:
“This sounds like an athletic contest. If you want, I’ll be the one to call it off. They know I despise Cal.”
“Do you really? You don’t say that with much conviction.”
“You think I enjoy being mauled?”
“Did you?”
“Lara!”
“Did you?”
“None of your business. Just let me call it off. Forget your having to compete on even terms with Rachael. She’s got a ten-point edge going in.”
Siiiiiigh. Insert tirade about rape culture here, etc., etc. Anyway, Dana ALSO suggests—again, she really appears to be the only rational person in this book so far—that Lara just, you know, CANCEL, but also like GET PERCY’S NUMBER, which would SOLVE EVERY SINGLE DUMB PROBLEM SHE’S LISTED, but plot contrivances gonna plot contrivance and they don’t decide on any specific plan of action.
And now that they’ve settled ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, they gird themselves for a conversation with the enemy camp.
Rachael and Mindy knew that they were waiting for them, despite their phony self-absorbed conversation that was designed to deny their existence. Only when Rachael had stepped off the lift, stretched, brushed her hair, and yawned, did she grace them with a passing glance. Mindy was not so subtle, showing them her back. Lara knew she would have to take the initiative.
—Slumber Party, Chapter Two
Scene Two: The two camps reach a tentative truce
Except for the bit about Rachael brushing her hair—how, exactly, was she carrying a hairbrush while skiing in a ‘skin-tight blue ski outfit,’ no, I did NOT forget that description, for some reason it is absolutely seared into my brain—the above paragraph actually feels pretty accurate for when people are Very Ostentatiously Ignoring One Another.
Lara dives in:
“We’d like to offer a truce,” Lara said.
Rachael was back in command. “Really, Lara, don’t be so dramatic. So we like the same guy. So what? This isn’t a war. Me, I’m kind of looking forward to tonight. Like you said, never a dull moment. We’ll have a great time.”
“I think we should call it off,” Dana muttered, looking at her.
Rachael understood and smiled. “No way,” she said.
Uhhhh… understood that Dana doesn’t want to be around Cal because he’s gross and dangerous and that’s… ENTERTAINING AND FUNNY??? I feel like this brings Mean Girl-ing to a whole new level. She’d certainly fit right in with the Heathers.
Lara starts thinking about Rachael luring Percy away from her and heh, this whole bit feels like it belongs in r/menwritingwomen:
Rachael would flash her ultra-bright smile when he looked at her, run her sharp nails through her golden hair and accidentally brush his leg when she sat beside him, laugh deep and sexy in her throat and lean into his side with her firm breasts when he told a joke, let her crystal blue eyes slip from his spellbound stare to his crotch, letting him know that with her possibilities were endless.
So, they all head down the mountain. Dana and Mindy, being the second bananas, fall behind, while Lara and Rachael stick together. (Lara feels inadequate next to Hot Pants Rachael, of course, etc., etc.)
Rachael’s mood seems to have improved, possibly because she knows she’s making Lara somewhat uncomfortable:
“What do you think we should wear tonight, Lara? Should we” — with a nasty grin — “wear anything?” As they boarded the lifts, she rattled off a string of dirty jokes. Trying to catch her breath and only half listening, Lara didn’t get most of them.
The two of them head out for one last run down the mountain and then OUT OF NOWHERE—I’m sure that NO ONE EVER COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT SHE’D DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS—Rachael CUTS LARA OFF, sending her into an out-of-control tumble down the mountain, straight for a bunch of trees!! !!! !!!!!!!!!!
Next up: PERCY TO THE RESCUE!!
And that’s it for this round! More next Thursday.
In the meantime, subscribe so that you don’t miss installments, let me know about your memories of reading (and watching!) horror as a tween and teen. I’m also always here if you’ve got recommendations.
Talk soon,
Leila
You know, I hadn't realized that Dana was actually supposed to be fat.
She's been... the Designated Ugly Girl. She had the face only a mother could love, she had boyfriends who couldn't appreciate her "from the neck up." I guess I spaced on her eating a whole sandwich plus dessert as being coded for fatness, silly me. She's now waddling and had a big nose, so ...yeah, I think Mr. Pike Had A Statement He Was Making, sheesh.