Middle Aged Slumber Party #7
Christopher Pike's Slumber Party: Chapter Two, Part Three
Hello, friends.
Welcome to the seventh installment of my deep dive into Christopher Pike’s Slumber Party, in which the weird ranger RETURNS!!
Want to start from the beginning?
Chapter One: Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four.
Chapter Two: Part One. Part Two.
Subscribe to follow along, re-read the book if you’re feeling it, and for SURE, please tell me all about your memories of reading this way back when.
Lara resisted all of Percy’s attempts to have her see a doctor. By the time they had reached the ski lodge, her cut had dried and she felt all she needed was a good shampoo. However, her knee was still throbbing. Only with difficulty had she disguised her limp from Percy. Boys liked tough girls, so she had heard.
—Slumber Party, Chapter Two
Scene Four: Back at the lodge
Okay, so truly, which is it, Lara: Do boys like tough girls, or do they like protecting Nice Girls from Mean Girls? Or does it—and I know this might be a tough concept to grasp—depend on the boy, like, maybe different people are attracted to—get ready to have your Mind Blown—different things??
Anywayyyyyyy, she and Percy sit and talk until she starts getting nervous that the other girls left without her—obviously, I would NOT put it past them—but she doesn’t say anything about that to Percy, because I guess she subscribes to the Roy-era Pam Beasley approach and tries not to bother her love interest with, like, her thoughts and feelings.
She starts thinking about calling the house—and as far as I can tell, she still hasn’t voiced any of this to dumb old Percy—Percy wants to maybe do some more skiing, which results in this gem:
“Isn’t it too late?” Her euphoria was suddenly compromised. He wanted to ski when he could talk to her. He didn’t love her.
Good grief.
BUT TO BE FAIR, I DO REMEMBER POSSIBLY MAYBE BEING A LEAST CLOSE TO THIS DRAMATIC WHEN I WAS THAT AGE. POSSIBLY.
*ahem* Sorry, there was no way I could have admitted that without the caps lock on, apologies, you know how it is. I’d say I won’t do it again, but you and I both know very well that I will, so. Moving on.
Percy gets ready to take off—he DOES ask her if she’s okay to walk back to the house before he goes, and when she lies and tells him she’s fine, he takes her at her word—and confirms their plans for the guys to show up at the house between seven and eight.
Things are a little awkward when he leaves—clearly there are THOUGHTS ABOUT KISSING on both fronts—but hilariously, he just pats her shoulder and jets.
At that moment, the ranger who had taken the keys to Dana’s car was walking across the lobby toward the bar. “Sir?” She called. “Sir, did you bring our car down?”
—Slumber Party, Chapter Two
Scene Five: Return of the ranger
This guy is such a gd piece of work, I swear:
He walked over to her with seeming reluctance. He was not wearing a uniform. He glanced at her bloody hair, smoothed his moustache nervously, and said, “Scratched your head, I see. Were you attacked by a bear?”
WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY??? IS HIS MOUSTACHE FAKE?? IF THIS WAS SCOOBY-DOO, HE’D TOTALLY BE THE VILLAIN.
She asks AGAIN about the car and he literally pats himself down to check his pockets for their keys, which, SURPRISE, he is not carrying in his civilian clothes. She asks if he could get them for her, and tries to put her off, and she asks AGAIN, and oh my god, this is how he responds:
“But the colonel was just going to enjoy watching a football game in the bar here. Look, they’ll be here and sparkling and waitin’ when you’re ready to leave.” He grinned again, more out of habit, it seemed, than out of warmth. He slapped her side roughly. “Watch out for them bears, you hear? They’ll eat ya alive.”
He talks about himself in the third person, so he has GOT to be sketchy, no??
Also, why did he drop his ‘g’ on ‘waiting’ but not ‘sparkling’?
Also, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, SIR.
ALSO ALSO, SHE’S LITERALLY BLEEDING, I KNOW YOU’RE OFF DUTY, BUT MAYBE TRY TO BE HELPFUL BY DIRECTING HER TO SOMEONE WHO’S NOT???
Lara is (understandably) suspicious of this dude and briefly veers into Girl Detective territory:
He had gone to the trouble of moving their cars and now couldn’t be bothered returning their keys. Initially he’d worn no badge and now he was out of uniform. He seemed old for a ranger. Maybe he wasn’t one, but a car thief instead. She would have to check that guy out.
Okay, HOW? Oh, wait, it doesn’t matter, she entirely drops it in the next paragraph.
She tries calling Nell’s house, but isn’t sure that she has the right number and no one answers anyway.
Her meager lunch in combination with the hours of strenuous exercise made her stomach grumble for attention. Ignoring her solemn vows to diet seven pounds away, she took a seat at the counter of the coffee shop and ordered a turkey sandwich, french fries, milk, and a huge slice of the chocolate cake Dana had eaten earlier. Nothing like a stuffed belly to uplift one’s mood. She was asking for the bill when a rough voice intruded beside her.
—Slumber Party, Chapter Two
Scene Six: Cal continues to be a creep
So, here she is, enjoying what I assume is her first actual decent meal of the day, when stinky—literally—Cal shows up and crashes her party. He also LITERALLY shoves one of her plates over to make more room for himself—rude—and opens with:
“I hope you’re more friendly than your partner.”
I hate him.
But then, OH MY GOD, Lara proves to be EVEN WORSE THAN HE IS???:
Later, she would have to ask Dana’s forgiveness for the liberties she was going to take with her name. “We’re having a party at my friend’s house tonight. Percy might have told you it was off but I talked him back into it. You’re welcome to come. Give Dana another chance. She didn’t sound that mad at you. To tell you the truth, she likes aggressive men.”
I am utterly flabbergasted. Like, Cal is clearly awful and whatever, no passes for that, but I KIND OF THINK LARA MIGHT BE WORSE THAN HE IS BECAUSE SHE CLAIMS TO BE DANA’S FRIEND?? I am just. so. horrified.
Based on this description and dialogue, I am also starting to wonder if Cal is even fully human:
Cal was perplexed, more so than her information could justify. His eyes lost their focus, as though he were thinking intently. “Percy told me about no party,” he said finally.
I mean, criminy, Lara, what did you expect:
“What did he tell you about me?” he asked warily.
“Percy? Not much. That you work together, live in the same place.” Lara forced a chuckle. “Is there something I should know?”
“No.”
She stuttered. “I was merely joking.”
He smiled, patting her back with a heavy hand. “You girls fix us up a nice party. If you by chance see Dana, tell her I’m coming.”
Cal, buddy, do you mean that as a threat? Because it sounds like a threat.
And then she offers directions to Nell’s house, but HE SAYS HE ALREADY KNOWS WHERE IT IS. OMINOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Next up: CHAPTER THREE!!
And that’s it for this round! More next Thursday.
In the meantime, subscribe so that you don’t miss installments, let me know about your memories of reading (and watching!) horror as a tween and teen. I’m also always here if you’ve got recommendations.
Talk soon,
Leila
I'm still certain that the greatest actual horror in this novel will be the thoroughly cringey lack of sisterhood or even HUMAN empathy... Lara is already planning on asking forgiveness for an additional assault-in-the-making why? And LOL, the ranger referring to himself in the third person. We Have Found The Villain.
Ahahaha. I will never read this but I am very much enjoying reading about you reading this. I'm a little concerned your head will eventually explode if you keep this up, though.