Middle Aged Slumber Party #13
Christopher Pike's Slumber Party: Chapter Five, Part Three
Hello, friends.
Welcome to the thirteenth(!!!) installment of my deep dive into Christopher Pike’s Slumber Party, in which Celeste gets Real Weird.
Or weirder?
Depends on your definition of weird, I guess.
Want to start from the beginning?
Chapter One: Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four.
Chapter Two: Part One. Part Two. Part Three.
Chapter Three: Part One. Part Two.
Chapter Four.
Chapter Five: Part One. Part Two.
Subscribe to follow along, re-read the book if you’re feeling it, and for SURE, please tell me all about your memories of reading this way back when.
Scene Seven: Cal FINALLY leaves… OR DOES HE??
There was actually a bit more with Cal at the end of last week’s installment, but I stopped before the actual end of the scene BECAUSE DRAMA.
So. Nell forces Cal out of the room with a CHERRY RED POKER—which, like, was the fire poker just sitting in the fire this whole time, because GENERALLY THEY’RE NOT STORED IN THE ACTUAL FIREPLACE, and even if it wasn’t, there has not been nearly enough time for a fire poker to get THAT hot, good lord, what the hell kind of fire do they have going??—and on his way out, he says:
“Should have been you, bitch.”
Which I think was directed at Nell, but with a charmer like Cal, who knows?
Note: We DO NOT see him leave; we heard the coat closet open and the front door slam, but I have seen approximately nine million horror movies and IF YOU DON’T SEE SOMEONE LEAVE, THEY MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY BE GONE. (I mean, jeez, sometimes you can see someone get “killed” 47 times and they STILL come back for 15 more jumpscares, but I don’t THINK this is one of those.)
Lara sits down on the couch with Mindy and Percy—supposedly to comfort Mindy, but we all know that her motivations are PROBABLY mixed—and says:
“Do that dance at the prom,” Lara said, “and you’ll win the Richard Pryor Award.”
“Michael Jackson’s a better dancer,” Mindy said, not getting the joke.
Which, wowee zowee, that is a dated reference.
I mean the joke’s on Lara—or Christopher Pike, I guess?—because while Richard Pryor’s fire incident happened in 1980, Michael Jackson’s fire incident happened in 1984, so Slumber Party readers in 1985 were probably like… uhhh… actually, Mindy’s joke actually tracks, why are you kicking her when she’s down, ya jerks??
Percy gives Mindy some sexist comfort, which she gratefully accepts, because Mindy is Mindy:
“Everyone will think you just fell asleep under the sun lamp. I know you girls will do anything for a tan, even light yourselves on fire.”
Ugh, stfu, Percy.
And then he basically directs Rachael to hang with Mindy while he heads off into the kitchen with Lara, hopefully to NOT make out.
(I mean probably Lara wouldn’t mind, but *I* would.)
Scene Eight: In the kitchen
Privately, Percy makes it all about him:
Percy ushered Lara into the kitchen. “I feel responsible for this,” he said. “I only wish I’d taken that drunk’s head off when I hit him. But I must have been out of my mind to hit him with Mindy at his back and the fire right there.”
And then he TELLS—not ASKS—Lara to call the lodge to try to get a doctor to come out. I mean, why he couldn’t just do it himself, who knows?
She gets Roger on the horn—I think I’ve literally only heard that phrase ONE TIME, in the pilot of Twin Peaks, when Pete Martell finds Laura Palmer’s body on the beach and calls the sheriff’s office and says, “Lucy, put Harry on the horn,” but I’ve watched it so many gazillions of times that it’s in my brain forever, so now you are also stuck with it, sorry:
…and so ANYWAY, Ranger Roger rustles up a doctor at the lodge, and long story short, Dr. Kaminski from Brooklyn tells them what to do, including when it would be safe to let Mindy have painkillers, and directs them to call him at the lodge if she takes a turn for the worse and to call him in the morning regardless.
By now, Nell is also in the kitchen:
“Leave her to me,” Nell said. “I’ve had lots of experience with bandages.”
Lara was sure she had. “How is Celeste?” she asked.
“She’s in her room,” Nell said. “I would leave her alone for the time being.”
“Sure upset her,” Percy said.
“It would upset anybody,” Nell said bitterly, leaving.
Just… shut up, Percy.
Scene Nine: Still in the kitchen
Lara tells Percy ALL of it, from Nicole to the snowman to Rachael’s phone call and Dana’s disappearance. And, surprising absolutely no one, Percy is not all that supportive:
She must have been making an incoherent conspiracy out of everyone and everything, for Percy finally interrupted, saying, “The only real question is, Where’s Dana? The rest almost certainly has nothing to do with that question.”
Ugh, Percy CLEARLY HAS NEVER SEEN A HORROR MOVIE, WHAT A CHUMP. I can’t stand Lara, but I have reached the point where I am bellowing STOP SCULLYING LARA, PERCY, YOU TWERP!
Sorry, Lara, but this fully made me laugh out loud:
“I understand. You’re upset over Mindy, worried about Dana.”
“I’m worried about the snowman, too!” she burst out.
Uhhhh, is this a retcon? This is absolutely the first I’m hearing about this?? CAN YOU RETCON YOUR OWN BOOK WITHIN THE BOOK ITSELF???
“And when Nicole exploded,” Lara went on, not listening [<--in this case, good for you, Lara], “I could have sworn to the Pope that I’d poured wine on her and not brandy. Wine couldn’t have done that to her.”
HOLY COW, she is VERY worked up, she just POUNDED THE TABLE SO HARD THAT SHE DISTURBED THE SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS. Such verisimilitude, Mr. Pike, I swoon.
Oh, Lara, I’m on your side in this, but Percy is not the guy. Fox Mulder is ALSO a pain in the neck, but you really need a Mulder for stuff like this:
“I told you. Fire! It’s coming from somewhere.” She quieted. “Or from someone. Percy, have you ever read about pyrokinetics, SHC?”
“Spontaneous human combustion? In the National Enquirer, alongside articles on people who’ve been taken aboard alien space craft from the Andromeda galaxy and had their tonsils removed.”
Oh, man, this makes me want to go back to all the 70s middle grade I was reading a while back where all the kids were obsessed with ESP and such, they ruled. I’ll add them to my list.
UGHHHHHH and then they switch gears and have the I LIKE YOU, YOU DOOOO??? LIL’ OLE ME???? I LIKE YOU TOO conversation blah blah gross *gag*
Also they decide that Lara will ski halfway back to the lodge with Percy so she can take a second look at the scene of Dana’s disappearance. Because skiing off into a blizzard and then splitting up is a GREAT IDEA.
Scene Ten: Checking in with the rest of the jackasses
Back in the living room, Mindy is starting to sound like Michael Scott with a burned foot:
Nell and Rachael should have been RN’s. Mindy was professionally bandaged, resting on the couch with her bad arm and two legs elevated with pillows, trying unsuccessfully to convince Rachael that there was no way she was going into shock and why the hell didn’t they give her at least one of the codeine pills?
And Lara goes upstairs to check in with Celeste, who has gone FULL WEIRD. This is a long one, but HOO BOY:
“Nonsense. You’ll cheer her up.”
“I don’t want to hurt any of you.”
“Look at me, Celeste. You’re beginning to sound as crazy as me. Come, let’s go downstairs.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It was my fault.”
“You didn’t have anything to do with —” Lara stopped.
Someone burned her. With their mind.
Celeste sensed her sudden fear, rolled over, and stared at her. Celeste had extraordinary eyes, a cat’s hypnotic emerald gaze, glittering with faint light from the hall. “Don’t you know?” she asked from a place far away. “I think you know.”
Lara stood, backing off. “Know what?”
“Why Mindy got burned.” Celeste closed her long-lashed eyes — a mild tremor shaking her body — opened them again slowly, the gesture curiously reptilian. “I think you remember.”
Celeste put a pillow over her face. “Everything I’ve told you is a lie,” she said, her voice thick. “I won’t lie to you anymore. Just get out of this place while you still can.”
And then Celeste just… falls asleep?
You know what? I’m with Celeste. LARA, JUST GO BACK TO THE LODGE WITH PERCY AND HITCH A RIDE HOME WITH HIM.
I mean I know she’s not going to, but this is one of those stories where the heroine has 9,000 opportunities to avoid a whole lot of nonsense and she just REFUSES to recognize any one of the myriad red flags flying around her head and UGH IT’S SO FRUSTRATING.
RELATEDLY and OMG have you seen House of the Devil? The lead in that one LITERALLY should have noped out of the babysitting gig the SECOND her prospective employers revealed that it was a bait and switch, but nooooooo she stays in the big old creepy house and NO! GOOD! COMES! OF! IT!
*breathes into paper bag*
PS. I don’t mean to suggest that House of the Devil is not rad, I loooooooved it even though it stressed me out so much that it made me want to crawl out of my own skin.
Scene Eleven: Back downstairs
They’ve now waited the requisite hour, so they give Mindy the codeine, which promptly knocks her out.
The four remaining dorks—Lara, Percy, Nell, and Rachael—sit down for coffee in the kitchen. Rachael starts campaigning for Percy to stay; Nell shuts it down fast.
Rachael TRIES to overrule her—in her own house, lol, Rachael has some serious chutzpah—but Nell is too smart for her nonsense and directs statements at Percy, which is one of the smarter choices I’ve seen from any of these nitwits.
TO BE FAIR, sending Percy home in a LITERAL BLIZZARD is PATENTLY ABSURD AND I CONTINUE TO THINK NELL HAS ULTERIOR MOTIVES. Rachael OBVIOUSLY has ULTERIOR MOTIVES, but she’s also practical, and is not wrong in calling this entire business out for the nonsense that it is.
Shortly before heading out, Lara indulges in a Quiet Moment of Private Drama:
The grandfather clock in the living room struck an ominous midnight. Time to take off our masks, Lara thought, and show who was behind Rachael’s sensual lips, Celeste’s haunting eyes, Nell’s plastic features. Lara stared at her own face, which reflected like a lifeless shadow in the icy, black window. That’s how she would look when she was dead.
Lara and Percy leave—after Rachael “nuzzles his chest briefly with her body,” good lord, lady, have some pride—and head out into the night, leaving the dulcet sounds of Nell and Rachael squabbling in the distance.
Now it looks to me that whatever Nell’s up to, Rachael isn’t in on it? So I think there are multiple plots? MAYBE??
ALSO. Ole Christopher Pike makes a big point of mentioning that Lara takes Rachael’s scarf instead of her own, which SEEMS like it might become relevant, otherwise why mention it, but then again, these nerds have done LOTS of things that Seemed Important In The Moment but haven’t panned out yet.
SO WE’LL SEE.
Next up: CHAPTER SIX!!!
In the meantime, subscribe so that you don’t miss installments, let me know about your memories of reading (and watching!) horror as a tween and teen. I’m also always here if you’ve got recommendations.
Talk soon,
Leila
A.) LOL, cherry red poker, because oh, sure, that ALWAYS happens in open fireplaces not urged on by blacksmith's bellows,
B.) And WOW does Christopher Pike create a time-capsule with the burning-Black-entertainers jokes. That joke was ... pure elementary school, right there. What a time,
C.) Because I am That Girl, I once looked up the etymology of "on the horn," - the old-fashioned candlestick receivers and ear-horns from the late 19th/early 20th c. were flared like... ram's horns, thus "on the horn" is a hugely out-of-time phrase for anyone not from 1915, much less being used in a teen novel, HELLO,
D.) DID I NOT SAY THERE WOULD BE SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION!? Celeste notwithstanding (what was even THAT about).
E.) I don't think Cal's gone either. And, and, A-N-D, get this: he's been described as both fat and unattractive. I think he's our guy... I mean, only fat/queer/disabled/neurodivergent or people with albinism are murdery in 80's teen novels, yes? Yes. We've got this. Other than the snowman (!?!?!) which I am not yet convinced was not a mass hallucination (is it mass if it's, like, six girls?), I believe we have this novel completely figured out now, I'm sure of it. (Reader, it was so bonkers she was not sure at all.)